Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
