Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
