No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
