Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
