time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
