she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
