Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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