i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
