I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
