Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
COCAINE IS GR8
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
