Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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