Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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