Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
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i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
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Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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