I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
