i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
