Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I puked a lego.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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