Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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