i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
