I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
