How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
