Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
