someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
