THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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