Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
