He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
