end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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