Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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