I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
