Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
do herpes really smell.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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