yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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