I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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