I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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