Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
