remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
