Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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