had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
