dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
