My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
