We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
