Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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