I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize