i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
