You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
