My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
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He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
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I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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