just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
