Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
