Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
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Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
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The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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