Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
