oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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