I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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