come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
