Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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