But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
