No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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