if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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