Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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