i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
