Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
