it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
