I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
