i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
