Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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