Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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