Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
