who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
